In Memoriam
by Teddy R. Lupin
Summary: Logan lost his memories by getting shot with an adamantium bullet. Twenty years later, he starts having flashes from that long-forgotten life. He thought that all he wanted was to learn about his past. But now he's not so sure. Logan/Jean.
1. What if I don't want things to change?

Okay, around the month of May, I told the people who read _Adamantium is Genetic?_ that I was preparing to write a One-Shot about Logan and Jean, revolving aroung his lost memories, based on what happened in _X-Men Origins: Wolverine_. I had no idea it would take this long. And guess what? It's not a one-shot. I'll be adding to it from time to time, and it'll probably be 3 or 4 chapters in total. If it sucks, I guess you can blame me, but I didn't think it was that great. It's hard to write _X-Men_ stories. (For me, anyway.) Plus, I just started school and all that...plus hockey, and that doesn't give me much time to write. But I'll do what I can.

**In Memoriam**  
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"_You're not an animal, Logan."_

"_Adamantium."_

"_He will heal."_

"_Jimmy!"_

"_-Memories won't."_

"_Your country needs you!"_

"_What do you want them to say?"_

"…_Wolverine."_

"_Stryker!"_

"_It was real for me."_

"_Do you know her?"_

"_No."_

Logan shot up out of bed. His brown eyes scanned the room. He ran his fingers through his messy dark hair and sighed.

"Jesus," he muttered. Looking beside him, he saw Jean Grey, the love of his life, sleeping peacefully. Logan smiled softly and stroked her cheek. Her eyes fluttered open, and she looked at him, thoroughly confused.

"Logan?" she asked. "What's wrong?"

"Nothin'," he answered. "Just thinkin'." She smiled sadly.

"I thought you would know better than to lie to be by now," Jean noted softly. Logan stood up and moved towards the window. She sighed quietly and followed him, lightly placing a hand on his shoulder. Responding to her touch, his hand reached up and grasped hers. "What's bothering you, Logan?" He sighed heavily and put his arms around her. As she laid her head on his chest, she asked, "Was it another nightmare?"

"Jeannie…" he started. She shifted her position and looked into his eyes.

"You don't have to hide anything from me," she whispered, stroking his hair. "I thought we agreed to be honest with eachother."

"I know, Red," he said softly. "It's just…it's just a dream. It doesn't matter."

"If it doesn't matter, then why are you so bothered by it?" Jean argued. She released herself from Logan's arms as he silently turned away from her.

"I've been having scenes…flashes…from my past," he said hesitantly. Jean bit her lip.

"Well, that's good, isn't it?" she asked. "Isn't that what you wanted?"

"I thought it was," he responded quietly.

"And now?" she prodded.

"Now I'm not sure," Logan admitted. "Maybe I don't want things to change." Jean's eyes slightly widened.

"Do you think that your past will change my feelings for you?" she asked disbelievingly. "Logan-"

"Jean…you don't understand," he said roughly. She slightly recoiled and he winced. "Sorry."

"What don't I understand?"

"I may not remember everything, but there are some moments…" Logan trailed off, and it was a full moment before Jean realized that he was crying. And she suddenly understood.

"There are moments…that are truly horrifying," she finished for him. He turned around and gave her an intense gaze.

"Yes," he said hoarsely. A traitorous tear slipped down Jean's cheek. She swallowed and he gathered her into his arms.

"Oh, Logan…" she said softly. "I'm so sorry…"

"Me too, Red," he mumbled into her hair. "Me too."

_More than you will ever know._

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"So what am I supposed to do about this?" Logan asked Professor Charles Xavier. Xavier sighed.

"I've told you before, Logan, the mind is not simply a box that can be unlocked and opened. I cannot help you," he said. Logan frowned.

"If you can't help me…" he started. _Who can?_ Xavier smiled.

"It just so happens…I know someone who can," he said with a knowing smile. The door opened, and none other than Jean Grey walked into the room. Logan turned around, confused.

"Jean?" he asked. "What're you-" He looked at the professor, and realization dawned.

"Jean has offered to help you control the nightmares and flashes," Xavier said. "Her telepathy is strong, able to connect to your mind for a long period of time. If we are fortunate, she will help you piece together what you've lost." Jean's hand swept over Logan's, and he grasped it tightly. Xavier smiled.

_This will work. Yes, this will work well indeed_.

The door squeaked open again, and Scott Summers walked in. He raised his eyebrows at Jean and Logan.

"I've been getting some of my memories back," Logan said dismissively. Scott frowned.

"Oh yeah?" he asked.

"Yeah," Logan challenged.

"Maybe you have an old girlfriend that wants you, and I can have mine back," he joked.

Scott had been engaged to Jean when Logan had first come into their lives. A few years after that incident, Jean and Scott had an argument, and Logan had happened to be walking by. Seeing her crying, he immediately wrapped her up in his arms, ignoring any protests that she had.

Jean learned soon that Logan was as kind and compassionate as he was rough and sarcastic. She and Scott split up, though remaining friends, and she grew closer to Logan. He and Scott reluctantly became friends, though Logan still threw an insult his way once in a while.

Logan snorted. "In your dreams, Boy Scout," he answered, glaring at the other man.

"Well, now that we know where your loyalties lie," Scott said sarcastically. "What're you doing about it?" Logan raised his eyebrows.

"I was thinking about going to bed early," he said devilishly, giving Jean his most charming smile. Her face flushed with embarrassment.

"I meant about your memories," Scott said, clearly not amused. Jean and Logan's sleeping habits didn't interest him, and it certainly didn't impress him.

"Actually, Scott," Xavier said, "You may be of some assistance." Scott frowned.

"How?" he asked. The professor smiled, and looked from Logan and Jean to Scott.

"It will be revealed in time," he answered simply.

_Oh, yes…everything will be revealed in time._

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Was it good? I'll take any ideas you have, because I'm fresh out. I have no idea on how to continue it, though I want to. If you think it should stay a one-shot, I think that's a good idea. PLEASE tell me!

As you can probably tell, this isn't related to _Adamantium is Genetic?._ Michael won't be in this story, so if you're looking for him to appear, he won't. This is just a general Jean/Logan fic.

Thanks for reading. I'll update as soon as I can.

Jason


	2. What I first remember and Kayla

I was finally able to get this WRITTEN and POSTED. I know a lot of it is repetitive if you've seen X-Men Origins: Wolverine, but I like how Logan's and Scott's pasts are connected in that strange way. That's basically what this chapter is about.

Thanks to those of you that reviewed the last chapter, and I'm seriously hoping that you're still reading.

On with the chapter-

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"Logan…I want you to try and relax," Jean said softly. He nodded silently and smiled at her. "Focus on anything…anything you're starting to remember."

"Jean…" he protested quietly. "It doesn't work like that." She bit her lip and lay down next to him.

"I…" Logan wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her lightly.

"It's all right, Red," he whispered. "Look…it's the middle of the night. We've been at this for hours." Jean sighed and leaned in closer to him.

"I just…really…I wish I knew what was going on up there," she said softly, eyeing his forehead. Logan smiled sadly and pulled her closer to him. Jean rested her head on his chest, sighing quietly.

"Me too, Jeannie," he said, a hint of sadness in his voice.

"The brain is so confusing sometimes," she said with a slight laugh. "Especially yours." Logan raised his eyebrows.

"Is that because of my amnesia, or is it just because it's me?" he asked with a grin. Jean smiled.

"Maybe a little bit of both," she teased. He laughed quietly and kissed her cheek, moving across to her lips. Jean's lips caught his and he pulled her on top of him.

"I love ya," he whispered into her hair. "I always will, no matter what."

"I love you, Logan," she mumbled, drifting off to sleep, finally. "Whatever secrets your past may hold."

He smiled sadly as her breathing evened out. Logan kissed her forehead softly and sighed.

_I hope so, Jean. But what if we find that I've done something…something more terrible than you-or anyone else-can comprehend?_

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Scott Summers frowned in thought. He looked across the room at Logan and Jean. He sighed heavily.

"Well…what's the first thing you can remember?" he asked the other man. It was Logan's turn to frown. He bit his lip and halfway closed his eyes.

"I remember…an island," he said slowly. "Somehow…it looked like…the apocalypse. Everything was destroyed. I remember being confused. I was lying on the dirt ground…and there was a man. He told me something about the kids being safe…and we had to get out of there. I followed him to his helicopter…until I saw a woman. A dead woman." Jean tightened her grip on Logan's hand. "She could've been sleeping. She looked strangely peaceful. He asked me if I knew her. I said I didn't." Scott frowned.

"Did you?" Logan shrugged slightly.

"Not that I know of now," he said. "But…it was…sad. I remember feeling…like I could have known her. That she was close to me…yet so far away. Like I'd never met her. I told the man that I would find my own way out. He wished me luck. And then…I just…left. That's the first thing I can remember." Scott narrowed his eyebrows.

_This all sounds strangely familiar…_

"What did she look like?" Logan sighed.

"She had…long dark brown hair…almost black," he said, trying to remember any other details.

"How did she die?" Scott asked slowly.

"She…had a bullet wound in her stomach," Logan responded quietly. Jean looked between the two silent men.

"Scott…how does any of this make sense to you?" she asked. His eyes opened wide and he sat bolt upright.

"Emma!" he exclaimed. Jean frowned.

"Emma Frost?" she asked, confused.

"Who?" Logan asked, frowning.

"A girl…who went to school with us," Jean explained. "But I still don't-"

"Before I came here, I was held captive," Scott said. "So was Emma. I don't remember much about it. A visor was put over my eyes to stop the lasers, but I was blinded. I hadn't been there long...but one day...we escaped. There were a lot of us. From what I could sense…or what I heard…we were being led by Emma's sister and some other man. Until something happened…and the man told her to lead the rest of us. He would handle…whatever it was."

"You think that these memories…are somehow connected?" Jean asked him. Scott nodded.

"I know they are somehow," he affirmed. "I just have no idea how…or why." Scott closed his eyes. "Her name was Kayla. Emma's sister's name was Kayla. And the man told her to lead us. We were shot at. I told Emma that I could help…but they had to point me at them. So we were safe after that. But Kayla said that she had to stay there. So Emma took charge and led us out. But then we came to an end. We could go either right or left. I heard a voice inside my head. It told me to go left. Eventually we were led out of…wherever we were…and Professor Xavier helped us off the island." Jean's eyebrows narrowed.

"Did you say that you were shot at?" she asked. Scott frowned, opening his eyes.

"Yeah…" She turned to Logan.

"And the woman…you said that she had a bullet wound?" He nodded slowly.

"I think so."

"Why else would Kayla stay behind, Scott? If they were close to freedom…why?" He frowned thoughtfully.

"You have a point. I always thought it was because she wanted to wait for the man who had told her to lead us on…but I think you might be right, Jean," Scott admitted. "She might've been shot." Logan turned to look at her.

"You're saying…the woman I saw…" he couldn't finish. And he didn't need to.

"Yes, Logan," Jean said softly. She turned to look at Scott. "I think that the both of you…your pasts…are connected…way closer than both of you know." Logan looked down sadly.

"I dunno, Boy Scout," he said warily. "I really felt…like I knew her."

"Logan…" Jean started quietly. "I'm sorry." Then she looked at Scott strangely. "Scott…who was the man that led you in the beginning?"

"I don't know. I just know he was there. Why?"

"Maybe-" He was cut off by Ororo Munroe bursting into the room, breathless. He stood up, frowning. Logan turned around and Jean looked at them worriedly.

"What the hell is goin' on?" Logan asked.

"We have a problem," she said, her voice shaking. Logan and Jean looked at each other, while Scott swallowed nervously.

_What now?_

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Okay, I ended it like this just because I was sick of Scott talking. I seriously don't know what Storm is so worried about. Any ideas?

Please review, and I hope you enjoyed it.

Thanks,

Jason


	3. No Longer Lost

Okay. I know it's been so long since I've updated, and I'm so sorry for that, and I hope that you all are still reading (if I had readers in the first place)

Um...well, you might've noticed that I changed my username...again. Or not. Whatever.

Have you guys heard about the "X-Men Origins: Magneto" script? It's supposed to be completely badass :-)

And...uhm...did you watch the Oscars? What did you think? (HURT LOCKER FOR THE WIN!)

Anyway...on with chapter 3...

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"_Maybe-" She was cut off by Ororo Munroe bursting into the room, breathless. Scott stood up, frowning. Logan turned around and Jean looked at them worriedly._

"_What the hell is goin' on?" Logan asked. _

"_We have a problem," she said, her voice shaking. Logan and Jean looked at each other, while Scott swallowed nervously. _

What now?

* * *

Logan ran down the hall, closely followed be Scott and Jean, Ororo in front. She pushed open the door to Xavier's office. On the floor lay an unconscious body…the body of their professor. Logan knelt and picked him up of the floor, laying him on the couch. Scott grabbed a chair and sat beside him immediately, helping Logan to steady Xavier.

"What happened, Ororo?" he asked, not taking his eyes off the old man. A few tears trailed down the weather goddess's cheek. She shook her head silently.

"I don't know," she said softly. "I was walking past…and I heard a crash. And I found him lying on the floor. I came to find you guys…and here we are." Jean extended her hand and pressed it to the professor's forehead. She closed her eyes, biting her lip. Her eyes widened.

"He's in there," she said slowly. "And I can communicate with him. But somehow…he can't come back. For some reason…he's being blocked. Denied." Logan frowned and looked up at her.

"Wait, whaddya mean, denied?" Jean sighed exasperatedly.

"I don't know, Logan," she said, tears starting to drip from her emerald eyes. "I don't know." She shrunk back on the couch, and he was immediately at her side, his arms around her.

"We need to get him downstairs," Scott said, his voice shaking. "Maybe there's something down there that'll help us." Jean started to nod, but Ororo frowned.

"How're we going to get him down there without the kids noticing?" she asked. Logan frowned.

"How…" Scott bit his lip. "I don't know." He looked at the redhead. "Jean…does he know what's happened?"

"To an extent," she answered after a minute. "He knows that we're all here, and that he's stuck as he is. But he doesn't know why." She looked away, her voice shaking. Logan gently took her hand in his.

"He'll be fine, Red," he said comfortingly. "Somehow we always pull through, don't we?" She nodded silently, resting her head on Logan's chest.

"But…" Scott met Logan's eyes. The older man gave him a subtle nod.

_I don't think that it's this simple._

"There's something here that isn't what it seems," Ororo said. "Jean-" The redhead nodded, wiping her tears away.

"We need to be wary," she said quietly. "I know."

* * *

"Jean?" Logan poked his head through their bedroom door. He heard a sob, and he opened the door fully. Jean was curled up in an armchair, her arms wrapped around her knees. He cautiously approached her, gently taking her pale hand in his. He kissed it lightly, and she looked up at him, her eyes puffy and hopeless. He carefully helped her to stand up, and when her knees buckled, he held her tightly to prevent her from falling.

"Logan," she whispered weakly. "Thank you." He kissed her cheek softly and held her shaking body close to his.

"I'm sorry, Jeannie," he whispered back, running his fingers through her red hair. "I know what you're going through."

"No," she said, shaking her head miserably. "No, you don't. Logan, the Professor is the closest thing I've ever had to a father who cared about me."

"Jean…I know," he said quietly. "I think all of us…"

"Your past is a mystery," she argued softly. "None of us know who you were…or why."

"Including myself," Logan said, his voice quiet and simple. He wiped a tear from Jean's cheek and breathed out heavily. "For fifteen years…I had no idea who I was…where I came from…what I was, and why I was. Then when I was brought here…my life changed. With all of you…I might be close to learning about my past. And without the Professor…none of this would be possible. Red, we're all feeling the same way."

"And what way is that, Logan?" she asked heatedly. "Because I feel-"

"Lost?" he suggested softly. She nodded slowly and a few tears dripped from her emerald eyes again.

"Yeah," she whispered. "Lost." He gently lifted up her chin and studied her hopeless expression.

"No, Jean," he muttered, his voice almost cracking. "You're not lost…not anymore. Your past can't hold you back. You have to let it go."

"I…Logan, I can't," she said quietly. "I just…you don't understand. I…can't."

"Why not?" Her eyes turned upwards, the green irises reproachful.

"I…" Jean looked down at her lap, twisting her fingers nervously. "I can't tell you."

"Jeannie…what could be so bad for ya not to tell me?" Logan asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "We all have our weak points."

"Except you," she mumbled weakly. "You're…a mystery."

"I won't always be," he whispered. "And what does it matter, anyway?" Jean swallowed as Logan took her shaking hands into his own, and breathed in deeply.

"Logan…my parents tried to lock me up," she said softly. "They thought I was crazy…I was never looked at the same. And the worst of it was…I didn't know what I did was wrong. I didn't know why my mom and dad wouldn't hug me anymore. I didn't know why they looked at me like I was a…freak. Charles took me away from that…he gave me a family. Logan, I can't just let that go."

"I know," he whispered into her ear, tucking her red hair behind her ear. "I know it's hard. But sometimes…the only way to accept your past…is to move on to your future. _Our_ future, Jeannie." Tears streamed down her face as Logan enfolded her in his arms, holding her tightly. He kissed her cheek, her forehead, and her cheek again. "You're not lost. You won't ever be lost again, Jean. I promise."

* * *

Aww...isn't Logan so sweet...? Or not. I dunno...I'd like to think that I'm going to write about him losing control and being a BEAST like he is, but I somehow don't think that's going to happen.

Um...I don't know if you guys know much about Iron Man at all, but I've gotten 4 requests for new stories and I'm fresh out of ideas. If you have any...I'd love to hear them. Everything I've tried to write ends up in the trash bin on my computer :( that goes for Harry Potter and National Treasure and Star Wars as well.

Yes. My name was Jason, then Nestaron, and now William. I can't make up my mind, can I? (And the D. J. stands for David John, if you were wondering.) It's the name of yet another one of my second generation characters, though I haven't written much of anything about him yet.

And my name still is-

Jason


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